I came to Starbucks this afternoon because I really needed to cross some stuff off my to-do list: write web site content, schedule volunteers, send some emails. I wasn’t getting much done in the office, so I thought a change of scenery might help. Instead, I’m still kind of just flitting aimlessly between browser tabs.
It’s hard for me to focus on much of anything, these days, with changes coming at me from every corner. I move between reading a book, flipping through a magazine, washing dishes, playing with Ian, watching a t.v. show, talking to Evan, texting a friend. I quickly switch back and forth amongst these tasks, forgetting to finish most of them.
It’s not an ideal way to live, but it seems like if I wrap things up, I have to move on.
If I pack all my dishes, it must mean we are actually moving.
If I finalize a dinner date with a friend, it might mean it’s the last time we will sit across from one another at one of my favorite Orlando spots.
If I send all my e-mails today, it will mean it’s the last time I will share announcements with my volunteer team.
My eyes are welling up just thinking about it.
On Friday, I drove home from Disney World with my dear, dear friends, and we talked about our big dreams. Big dreams are usually accompanied by big fears, I’m realizing, and sure enough–we had ‘em. Each of us wrestled with what it would mean to move on from this place, to pack our bags and go somewhere different, to consider the ramifications of that. My friend Melissa said that when she thinks about God’s people in Scripture, He almost always has them on the move.
I hadn’t thought about it before, but as I’ve considered it, I’m realizing how very, very true that is.
Abraham picked up his family and went to the place God would show them, tents and cattle in tow. Moses & and the Israelites walked through the wilderness, pillars of fire and cloud to mark the path. Noah traversed the oceans when ocean was all there was. The disciples went with Jesus, both rowing and walking across the Sea of Galilee. Peter, Paul, and their friends scattered across the known world. Many of them never knew where they were going. When they worried too much about pinning a final destination down on the map, God reminded them, “That’s really not the point.”
I want to boldly take steps forward, but I admit I leave Orlando timidly. Still, as I’ve reminded myself in the past, I can be brave even when I don’t feel ready because courage is not the absence of fear but the willingness to move forward in spite of it. Maybe my spirit of adventure will show up somewhere en route to Grand Rapids. I’m not sure. But I know I can trust God to walk with me along the way, and I know He’s a God who leaves no loose ends.
I don’t know how people can ever stand to say good-bye without the hope of Heaven and the reality of the kingdom we’re all a part of anyway, regardless of our zipcode.
It’s time to hit “send” on some emails.